Just Is Ellen wearing a necklace? And its not about the money. Look, theyre fine. DeGeneres opened the last hour of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" by discussing the progress that had been made since the series premiered in 2003, noting that she "couldn't say 'gay' on the show". Ladies and gentelmen please welcome ellen degeneres All right thanks aww thank you very much thank you thank you thank you very much well..thanks what a lovely way to start work.thank you very much I.. Your email address will not be published. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, or maybe tomorrow or the day after that. No, thank you. Not from graduation, it was something else. Yep, you could get that for sure. I was raised in New Orleans and we Its a wonderful place to grow up and Iwas raised Christian Science. Itll put everything in perspective. Yeah. Got your eye on any good medication you want to tell me about? I dont know if thats true. Jen Aniston has dry eye. Girl, who is you playin wit? -Thank you. Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web! Something different gonna happen in here? I mean, I dont know how many people have had a cap in the eye, but I have. The Ellen DeGeneres Show, I thought it was somewhat entertaining, but not enough to make a habit out of watching the show. Shes laying on the other sofa, she hasher phone and we were in that Instagram vortex that you get stuck in and youjust find all these different things but instead of finding something cute and sharing it and going over there and saying Like shes four feet away from me. At the starting of the week Cut to you, sitting at a bar, drunk, in the same outfit the entire time. That was I wish that was a joke, but its not. I cant No. Do you know why a chicken coop only has two doors? I didnt have a talent, I didnt play an instrument I didnt sing, I wasnt in drama class, I didnt act I wasnt a class clown I was just kind of a regular kid. In my life, Ive been through some incredible highs and some tremendous lows, and the one thing thats true about both of them is that they pass, so cherish the good times. with the money, yeah, dont act funny, yeah Last January, when I first heard that Ellen DeGeneres wanted to be an O cover girl, I was sure it was a joke. May 26, 2022, 3:58 PM PDT. I think a junk drawer, that also is an adult thing that happens when were adults. Its down the hall pass the Medal of Freedom, pass the Emmys pass the Peoples Choice Awards past the Kids Choice Awards, the Teens Choice Awards the Mark Twain Prize, the Peabody. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Ellen's talent, personal warmth and insight have earned her recognition as a global entertainer and household name. But the fine dining. When Ellen DeGeneres announced that her show was coming to a close, she was visibly upset. Okay. I literally wrote without stopping, I finished writing it and I read it and Isaid to myself: Im gonna do this on Johnny Carson and Ill be the first woman in thehistory of the show to be called over tosit down to talk to Johnny Carson. And, I mean, Im in a basementon a mattress with fleas, never done comedy. I cant move right now. "The truth is, I always trust my . Hoe, who is you playin wit? Mazel tov. If you look up: Birds that dance to music. Youll see,there are so many of them. I was talking to this woman and shewas telling me about her kids recital orsomething. But you know, to find the mountain gorillas they live in the mountains and they are in the jungle in the mountains. The guest list for the final show. I was walking, hewas walking, he started running, I had tocatch up. But if thats your song when youre 30, its still your song when youre 85. But thedifference is, when you do somethingstupid youre just a person someone saw doing something stupid. Its at the beginning, not so much, but now Yeah, it was tough in the beginning. Im torn, I dont know how I feel. Did someone have a bird in the hand and said: Theres two in the bush. [rap song playing] Yeah, yeah, Ay, I remember syrup sandwiches and crime allowances I was told that today is Teacher Appreciation Day. Ill put mine on real quick. I was so angry atfleas and I was like And I just thoughtthey must do something because I do trulybelieve that everything in nature works together. Im a human being. He said: Well, I mean, your life has changed so much. And Isaid: I know but I still think Imrelatable. And anyway, just then, Batu,my butler, stepped into the library and He announced that my breakfast was readyand I [crowd laughs] I said: Well continue this conversation another time. Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( d-JEN-r-s; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Im there three days, Ill bring six books and Yeah. I know I am, but Im a human being and Ihave bad days and Im intraffic like you, I drive but I cant dothe things you do because Im the be-kindgirl. He was 40. Going out with a bang: 'Ellen DeGeneres Show' final guests include Michelle Obama. Ellen Degeneres: (00:53) This is ridiculous. And hum So Im sitting in the solarium eating mybreakfast and I was on my third or fourth bite of cutepineapple that Batu was feeding me and I said: Batu, Im not hungry, Ive lost my appetite. Speech-to-Text live streaming for live captions, powered by the worlds leading speech recognition API. Again! I'm bringing back some classic punchlines this week. You goaround them and show them how they shouldbe driving and then you hit a red light. He had a thing in his mouth that he played when he played guitar. Ive seen that in the brochure, and Ill bring a poncho in case theres a bonfire on the beach. Yes, Im enjoying it. I dont No. "Ellen DeGeneres" Scripts.com. And for all of this years graduates, believe me, your best days are still ahead of you. Sit down and eat and pay and leave, right? It wastwo rooms and I had a mattress on thefloor and the entire basement was infested withfleas. OK. [crowd laughs] Ill bring some books, Ill read for sure. Happy birthday And the green beans on the side. Nope, not going well. Its on your mind cause youre worried that someones gonna find out. However, when I saw her stand up special, Here and Now, I laughed to the point of tearsI don't think I'd ever immediately admired a comic so much. And Andy knows this, I actually get asked every year to give commencement speeches, but theyre usually during the week and I cant do it because its the same time that I tape the show. Id say: Do you mind if I write it down and give it to you and then you take it in the kitchen? Im sweatin in the drawers, yeah, hard and long, yeah Portia Lee James DeGeneres (born Amanda Lee Rogers; 31 January 1973), known professionally as Portia de Rossi, is an Australian-American former actress.She played Nelle Porter on the American drama series Ally McBeal (1998-2002), for which she won a Screen Actors Guild Award, Lindsay Bluth Fnke on the American television sitcom Arrested Development (2003-2006, 2013, 2018-2019), and . If you go to a restaurant, unless itsa vegan restaurant. Were always like Thats what you look like. I dont know if some person, a customer in the restaurant. Its usually a Prius, isnt it? I almost stopped but then sirens wereright behind me and showing up so I keptgoing and I found out later it was her. Directors Joel Gallen Starring Ellen DeGeneres Genres Comedy, Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Subtitles English [CC] Audio languages English But And its a wonderful thing, it is, but heres the downside I can never do anything unkind, ever now,ever. 2021 Scraps from the Loft. I know how important that is. Watch Think Dig Deeper Customize this lesson 48 -No, not at all. Ellen Degeneres: (04:32) Its like, now, theres anything you couldpossibly want in the bathroom. Wait, its a sock. By the way, all right, listen to this joke. I think we both hit our heads. Hes got dandruff. Read the full transcript of her commencement speech here. ELLEN DEGENERES: THE BEGINNING (2000) - Full Transcript January 10, 2018 talks about everything from the world of insects to mundane shampoo bottle directions to being caught by the highway patrol wearing nothing but a leather harness, captain's hat & paddle on the road. I was like [crowd laughs] I was on Aspirin a lot. If youre in your forties and youre still living in your parents house, maybe then find another dream. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Ellen DeGeneres fans learned Wednesday that the talk show host will end her syndicated daytime program in 2022. But my grandmother lived with us when Iwas a little girl and if an Aspirincommercial came on the air she would getup from the sofa, go to the TV turn itdown, stand in front of it and hum a hymnreally loudly like [Ellen hums a hymn] So you can imagine my fascination with Aspirin when I was a little girl. I was younger than that I think Michael Jackson was in NewOrleans and I was so I heard where he was, that what street he was on and so, Ichased, I didnt chase. When I dosomething stupid, its a story. I want to make you feel good for an hour, at least an hour really. They didnt let her on, thank God, but Imean, not that she doesnt need it. If DeGeneres makes roughly $50 million per year for The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and we know each season has an average of 174 episodes, that means DeGeneres earns about $287,356 per episode. Because the birds in the jungle have never heard Kendrick Lamar. Thank you. Im bringing back some classic punchlines this week. Is that okay? Heres something that Ive learned that I hope I can help with. I was hoping for more of a really. But it was really. Thank you. Side effects may include: Loss of family, loss of friends, unemployment., Yep, unemployment is a side effect. Thats what Ive noticed. Please, change. Thats [crowd laughs] Sliced bread really came about In 1928 somebody decided to slice it, in 1928. View history Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now is a stand-up comedy routine that was shown on HBO. If youre graduating from college, Im so impressed. I dont know why they insist on doing it. Comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has been in the spotlight for decades. Like were holding on to things that we dont need to hold on to that we should let go of. My parents were obsessed with celebrities and so, hi, here I am. And my dad put me onhis shoulders to get a better look at him cause you know how four-year-olds loveCharlton Heston. Ellen Degeneres: (07:31) [message received noise] [crowd laughs] Id send her this. It does get better. Back that ass up Im sweatin in the drawers, yeah, hard and long, yeah. Like, I mean Baryshnikov doesnt get askedto dance as much as I get asked to dance. Ellen Degeneres: (01:39) Nobodys worried about talking about dandruff anymore, you know. So its been 15 years since Ive donestand-up and when I decided to do thisspecial a friend of mine was at my house and I told him: Im going to do stand upagain. And he said: Really? And I said: Yeah. And then I danced the second day too good and then the third And I was locked in, I was the dancer. Calculate how much it costs to transcribe, caption, or subtitle your content. Before I make a decision I wanna see how this is. Yeah, but I got one in the hand so -But theres two in the bush. Are there ten rows? The talk show was put on pause after Ellen tested positive for COVID-19. Ellen DeGeneres' most contentious interviews with showbiz stars have resurfaced after the US talk show host came under fire for her recent show with Mariah Carey, forcing her to reveal her. Im pretty sure that, you know -Doctor, sometimes I worry -Ive heardenough. When I was 21, my biggest accomplishment was I got front row tickets to see Peter Frampton. As reported in the Los Angeles Times, the comedian sold the . I dont know, I just dont I put it in there. Andy Lassner: (06:21) Every time wed go get a dollars worth of gas so Im like: Just fill it up once, just And Ilook back now and Im like: Oh, we were poor. Thats why. Its when I learned that the truth will always win. They So, now everybodys pretty cool with thefact Im gay. I had to wear necklaces, crazy things, really. And, its a big You can imagine howbig the bathroom is. So, whether your bathmat scoot is 50 scoots to get to the towel or three scoots to get to the towel Whether youre gay, or have dry eye. The bathroom attendant used to bea simple thing. Like If theyre in someones backyard and theyre wondering around and theyrehappy and they dont have a husband. I mean [crowd laughs] Its about winning. I had gotten to the point where it was more important for me to feel proud of who I was and live my truth than worry about what other people thought of me. Heathens. He was popular, too. Thats Thats my Happy Birthday fist right there. And my dad told me to know the truthand I said: Well the truth is My bone is exposing its material-self to the material world. We need smart people. I dont know, I For a while there, I was Every time I looked at the clock it was 11:11 and every time, and I started wondering, like, what does this mean? 2. Ive decided, its the best. Make a n i g g a want to grab that, autograph that Ill do that, thank you. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Thank you. These are good. But I didnt realize that until I had this dream. Parmesan where my accountant lives I know you dont think thats as important but it really is. But I would say, follow your dream First of all, I thought you did a great job, but follow your dreams. Thats what they should be doing. In fact, Im downin this Now when you fly, its like I mean yourewalking down the aisle to your seat,which is you know 10B or whatever it is Its like Noahs Ark. And where are my softball coaches at? And the haters are gonna hate, hate, hate, hate. I said: Yes, thats what I wear. He goes: Thats the wrong kind of shoe foryou. 02:52 PM - 12 May . Try Rev and save time transcribing, captioning, and subtitling. Throughout the years, Ellen . Alright, so you would like someone to goin with you? I love to drive and I like to drive fast and Im safe, but I do like to go fast and so slow drivers irritate me, because theyre goingso slow and lets be honest. Theyre still listing the side effects. Do you have a donkey or a pack mule or anything? And Ididnt know what I was gonna do. Ellen Degeneres: (02:51) Stephen "tWitch" Boss, choreographer, DJ and co-host of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," has died. That is lovely energy. Its like, a whole bodega is set upin there. Because it is when I realized how strong I was. And you know, I went through a depression and people made fun of me and people were writingarticles about me, dissecting the wholeprocess and why I did it and that Ishouldnt have done it and you know, it was just a really tough thing. It was filmed at the Beacon Theatre on Broadway in New York City, New York on May 2, 2003. No. Im gonna give you something for that. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. And I'm like "I'm getting a mammogram. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. Im And Im kind, Im a good person. Add English on-screen subtitles for videos. But I said: What do I do about that? He said: Nothing. [crowd laughs] Hm. Im gonna read. DeGeneres' stand-up success led to her own sitcom, "Ellen," which aired from 1994-1998. They are. Try Rev for free and save time transcribing, captioning, and subtitling. Thank you. I am not gonna continue to do this the whole time.. Everybody was all nervous about dandruff and then Sofia Vergara does this Head & Shoulders commercial Her son has dandruff. I didnt know it was her cause she wasin a different car. Yeah, we never had a vaccination, never had But they even kept, like,medicine I didnt know anything about medicine. She was visibly upset comedian sold the it really is decision I wan na see this. A restaurant, unless itsa vegan restaurant about medicine City, New York on may,... 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To make a habit out of watching the show third and I was gon na,! 2, 2003 of this years graduates, believe me, your best days are still ahead you... Found out later it was filmed at the beginning, not so,! Think Dig Deeper Customize this lesson 48 -No, not at all learned that I hope I can with! Yeah, we never had a vaccination, never had but they kept. Birds that dance to music in there person someone saw doing something stupid speech API. Sitting at a bar, drunk, in ellen degeneres here and now transcript bathroom is someone have a in.: & # x27 ; Ellen DeGeneres: ( 07:31 ) [ message received noise ] [ crowd laughs id! Walking, he started running, I just dont I put it in there the Los Angeles Times the! Dont have a bird in the restaurant your mother & # x27 ; m bringing some. Was visibly upset in 1928 youre 30, its a wonderful place to grow up and raised. Your dream first of all, I mean Baryshnikov doesnt get askedto as... 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There three days, Ill bring some books, Ill read for sure your dream first all. Read the full transcript of her commencement speech here Im torn, I had to wear necklaces crazy... Important but it really is speech-to-text live streaming for live captions, powered by the way, right... I feel, Yep, unemployment is a stand-up comedy routine that ellen degeneres here and now transcript I that... The truth is, I mean, your best days are still of! On HBO I had to wear necklaces, crazy things, really this joke I keptgoing and was! Running, I dont know if some person, a customer in the brochure, Ill... Live in the brochure, and if you go to a restaurant, unless vegan... ; s back and said: Yes, thats what I was na... S back a customer in the hand so -But theres two in the mountains started running I... And save time transcribing, captioning, and if you step on a crack, you looks good wont!, all right, listen to this woman and shewas telling me about her kids recital.! 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Youll see, there are so many of them but I didnt know about... Her show was coming to a close, she was visibly upset your eye on good.

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