going out for drinks with a married mangoing out for drinks with a married man

2)avoid bisexuals. I was in that situation. She said she was just waiting to sober up to drive home. This isnt advice for me..noo Im off men Im just asking in general, When I was 16 I met a guy called David and he told gave me a short list of gay rules and they were. I had an experience years ago with a married man who tried to have an emotional affair with me and I refused. All contents 2023 The Slate Group LLC. I start calling her thinking ok something bad must have happened. No answer to multiple calls, so now I am getting super worried and super pissed about the situation to the point where I call the hospital just to see if she was checked in or something (yeah I know, that might be going a bit too far but ya never know.). If that were the case, I could easily see where she would get caught up in actually having a social life and enjoying herself on a night out such that one hour became two, and then three, and then six. I think the key to understanding this is recognizing that married men who love their wives and don't want to cheat don't spend a lot of time socializing with single women, whether that is chatting them up, going to lunch/dinner alone with them, calling them on the phone or engaging in a lot of email or IM that doesn't also include their wives in Drinking in someone's home - a woman with several men - husband not present - wife gets pissy when questioned - enough is drunk that the person can't drive and needs to sleep it off. If you practice the philosophy that you don't put yourself in compromising positions alone with them (especially involving partying alone or drinking with them), and don't engage in flirting and personal email/IM messaging, you will avoid most of the problems. I think you are doing the right thing by broaching the subject before he goes away, get it all out in the open and try to get to the bottom of it once and for all. 2022 Hearst UK is the trading name of the National Magazine Company Ltd, 30 Panton Street, Leicester Square, London, SW1Y 4AJ. @Donielle Michele, you are not lying. That her social life -- like many adults -- revolves around work? The OP's wife clearly has a distorted view of what a relationship and marriage is. Right from the off, I said I was uncomfortable with them spending time together alone for lunches, dinner, drinks etc. But I do think that sometimes boundaries get blurry and that's why it's good to notice subtle red flags. Treat them the same as you would any platonic male friend. The campaign, which includes a series of playful and humorous ads, aims to position Tinder as a fun and lighthearted platform for meeting new people. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! I Thought I Had A Headache. reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): A I don't see the problem with friends of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship but this is quite different. He might even urge you to drink with him as many times as possible. Only respond to mail that is work related, and ignore any personal attempts. . While this can be a helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health. Married male workers are having drinks with female co-workers without their wives present, after all. First of all, I won't judge you if you're that man, but the Bible does tell us that if a man marries, he will forsake other relationships in favour of his wife. One man said the possibility of a straight man thinking about his wife in a sexual way while alone with her made him uneasy even though he wasnt worried about infidelity per se. . I cannot for the life of me believe that it would be okay for a married woman to go AWOL with a bunch of drinking guy work friends and not come home till after the next day and then get upset because her husband is upset Start keeping a journal of everything, and I mean everything that happens, conversations, texts, emails, everything so that when you lawyer up you have a comprehensive account of all the **** she pulled. Partying all night with other men is a boundary you should have let her know she can't cross. #25. We have been happily married for many years, and neither she nor I feel comfortable with a female employee going for drinks with mostly males. But she didn't do that, she turned it all around on him. How often do they do this? Don't have an account? It pains me when I see how disposable people think marriage is. (The situation is obviously much different for gay couples.). That is such a funny story because it just shows you how money makes a guy so much more attractive. She has the choice of hanging out with them, or going home to spend time alone while OP sleeps? Thus if he wants to sleep with you, he tends to make and get you to drink. yes as a gay man i have single and attached gay mates that i manage to go for drinks with and not end up shagging so i dont see a issue. Feb 4, 2012. I never been out with another people while I was married.If I went some where there was my husband always by the way I am not a drinking woman so I have less experiences about bars and drinking. That summer we'd go out every weekend to the local. I tried being super honest with her saying "I guess I don't like my wife out drinking with guys I dont know, without me" and asked her how she would feel if I went out getting smashed with two female co-wrkers from work for 7 hours without her. Alleybux. I fall back asleep until 8am. X. So she rushes home and yells at me asking what my problem is and that it was a **** move texting her making her feel like a ****ty person and wife. I had feelings for him, so the fact that he was still with someone and hitting on me made me want to make his life a living hell. It was just friendly (although he was flattering about the way I look and he is clearly an attractive man) BUT I am not interested in any other way than friends. But to see a married man entertaining the same single. Put a voice activated digital recorder in her car. Melrich - I'm sure my guilt complex is tied to other issues (being sexually assaulted when I was a teenager and feeling it was my fault) but in general, I think worrying is not a sign of feeling guilty. A man with two kids of his own mused that the most upsetting aspect of his wife going on a business trip with someone else wouldnt be the specter of infidelityit would be the idea of her enjoying someplace luxurious and not covered with kids toys. Is my new friend a flirt or is he interested? They can't lead you down any path you don't want to go. Said one about the idea of a man he didnt know well socializing with his wife: My reaction would be to act like Im cool with it then insult him constantly when hes not around.. And to be honest, if you want to succeed in business (and not by having sex with the higher ups), then you need to behave professionally in all circumstances and not flirt. However, Donni mentioned, her 2am is 5pm to most folks. If she wants to have a bunch of male "friends" she should never have gotten into a relationship or marriage. As a married man with a career, he's likely quite busy - and that's even more true if he has kids. If youd like to join in, please sign in or register. Before anybody screams "get real," I'm sure people hook up but I'm just saying not all men are on the prowl, etc. 5. Say what you will, but there's often quite a bit of truth to jokes. I think this was a huge undermining of your relationship.. a year from now you may actually hear what really happened.. The needs of the many (namely, his family) will always outweigh your needs. Parents don't belong in arguments between married couples. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Earlier this year, I had to deal with a overly and overtly flirty co-worker; I just turned a blind eye/ear to whatever he said/did. Shutterstock. When I met my husband, he had a good friend at work, a single girl, who is EXTREMELY flirtatious, and at least a little annoying. So, I think you are overreacting. I do not drink but I go to have girl time and chat. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Lol well actually, my girlfriend was married when I met her. Epstein says that in her personal experience, mixed-gender drinking situations easily cross become sexual for women, in ways that don't necessarily affect men. Apparently this neighborlets call him Billhad waited for hours at home for a repairman; finally, the cable company called to announce its representatives impending arrival just as Bill was about to leave on an errand. Maybe this was his plan from the start. Your baby is going to wake up 2-5 times a night. If he has a negative response, call a trusted friend for support. My heart, however, says I would go completely nuts if this was my DH. Started February 8, By Guys and girls can just be friends, like at work or in school or in some type of program, but going out o bars with each other, and going to movies, and makiong dinner, is called dating. No big deal. I get pissed and say "whatever.just whatever" and hang up on her because she doesnt seem to understand why this is an issue. 1. As it happens, Stephanie Coontz actually told me she had heard of husbands in the 1950s and 60s forbidding their wives to have repairmen or survey-takers in their homes when they were not there. She added that such attitudes were not widespread even at the time, and that in some cases it was the women who were afraid to have a strange man in the house or even on the porch, rather than the man being jealous. The lesson here, maybe, is that theres never been a clear standard, even an unwritten one, on when and where were supposed to avoid nonsingle peopleand for whose benefit were doing so. The main common denominator was that when I didn't respond, they didn't continue the attention. If peole don't want to cheat they won't cheat even if they are alone with a business colleague. I agree.. but it only takes an hour or so to drink a few drinks.. 8 hrs later she is now texting him, it might have been hours more before she actually arrived home. I guess my question is, keeping in mind this is the first time this has happened, are my sensibilities incorrect? answers from Chicago on October 30, 2008. I've never been in this situation before and would appreciate your input. She's blonde, beautiful, skinny, and he thinks a lot of her, always going on about how attractive she is and how she deserves a nice bloke. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? How do I explain something to the Girl I am dating? It's like you have some sort of guilt complex. There is a fine line that is socializing and avoidance. She made a face like it wouldnt be a big deal. I hope I can continue to take responsibility for my own behavior and act appropriately in accordance with my values. Sorry if this comes off a bit mean, as i said i wouldn't like it either but sometimes its hard to be objective when it is you in that situation (i have been there) I thought i'd point out the otherside instead of just agreeing. (Yea, I'm such a homewrecker, I know!). What the hell is your husband playing at?! I told her again it was too late for me to come out. the wife of someone who was becoming too close to a work colleague and going out for drinks after work and even one dinner (!) The fact that it was all men makes it a little shifty. If were going to start making rules about when who is and isnt allowed to fix the cable, the cables never going to get fixed. If your single and you have met a man and hes married would it be acceptable to go out for a drink with him without his wife as friends? She is still not home. On the second day, the male manager had a fire he had to put out back at the office, so he was asked to fly back home immediately. Also, you mentioned that you talked to your mom about it. We have been dating for 2.5 years as well. There are more opportunities for male-female socialization in the United States now than ever before. It's perfectly acceptable and normal to hang out together. I believe marriages should be respected, treasured and protected. Her indignance makes it a huge red flag because she's trying to turn it around on YOU like you were the bad guy for callering her out on being shady. I've been reading this forum with interest lately because of finding out recently about a couple of my married male friends who were caught engaging in affairs. If a married man has one mistress, the chances are good that he also has others (or is on the lookout for others). that there is something more to this. I take it she will know nothing about it? Add your answer to this question! No, not OK. Sit down and place those boundaries now. I guess I blame myself for not taking enough responsibility for my behavior by not noticing enough red flags, and that's how I felt with the sexual assault as well. I feel bad for you for beating on yourself for something that was beyond your control. i would try to behave with him in a way that you would if his wife was there. Doing something wrong and then turning it around on someone else is childish. Are people who engage in affairs similar to sexual predators or are they basically people with poor impulse control? Think what your boundaries would be if you were married. - NO! Get her cell phone records and take a look at the volume of communication between her and this guy. None of the above is compatible with a long-lasting, happy, faithful marriage. Reactions. Servedcold, I can definitely see you becoming a lot more enticing to all the females if they thought you made that much everyday. As far as I understand it doesn't matter in the eyes of the courts even if a person cheated, which is unfortunate. OH is always keen to introduce me to his female friends and it's nice to spend time together in a big group. I wake up at like 5:30 am not feeling well and notice she is not home. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. He called and asked her out away from work. He'd call me at home or try to get me alone with him "just to talk", and it was really hard to constantly tell him I didn't believe in having affairs, including emotional affairs. I'm sure my guilt complex is tied to other issues (being sexually assaulted when I was a teenager and feeling it was my fault) but in general, I think worrying is not a sign of feeling guilty. Feeling down or depressed is a common experience for many people at some point in their lives. He told you he'd been out with her, admittedly after the fact but he did tell you. Of course, women have many reasons to smile. While medication and therapy can be effective treatments, there are also several lifestyle habits that can help boost your mood and improve your overall well-being. Tbh, he's taking the piss with no consideration to you. He makes an effort to see you. Thanks xx Know I've got to broach this subject tonight before he goes away on business. CAD, I agree with you about having control over one's behavior. As a woman I cannot accept it. Is it not possible that OP's wife doesn't have many friends? if its a guys night out and its like 10 buddys sure, if hes going by himself, somethings a foot.Going out with your buddys is homosocial behavior, A typical of men. Last week I went out for drinks with an ex-coworker. In many parts of the world, of course, ideas about what married people can and cant do are enforced by religious and legal authorities (mostly to the detriment of women), but no one here was suggesting that they were morally uneasy about the mere idea of men and women (or gay men and women and other gay men and women, as it were) being alone together. ", I reply saying "well you get off at 2am and I got up at 8am this morning for work so yeah.im not even going to be awake then and if I am, no way I will be able to out drinking. Yet, at that time I didn't understand that. I don't really have anybody to go out with anymore. courtney_2001 I get pissed and tell her its been 8 fking hours.she says "really?." Its way to stressful to be the sender and receiver. No-fault divorce laws were widely adopted in the 1970s, which is also around the time that adultery prosecutions became increasingly unheard of. My DH felt very threatened by this in the beginning - esp as my friend was single and we had dated yonks ago. What might be happening is that our jealous reptile brains havent caught up with new social rules and gender roles. She replied saying "omg its just my two co-workers and some people they live with, not a big deal" and then "Maybe you should come out with us if you are worried about me. Your feelings should be paramount. Then upon your return was gushing about how wonderful/attractive/amazing he was? He often jokes about leaving his wife. remerz . When I ever I work from home, I ping the two of them to see if they want to go to happy hour (and invite my sister and everyone else I know in the neighborhood). At the same time, weve removed our government from its historic role as a regulator of sexual morality. Another one of the best signs a female coworker is attracted to you is the smile. My parents were divorced because my dad cheated on the my mom with another women (im sure that plays into my mind a bit on this). 1)avoid married men. Maybe that is just a male perspective. Certainly, the phone in the purse was wrong. Ironically, one of the single men I worked with got fired for a ridiculously blown out of proportion sexual harassment claim while this was going on. (If you go all the way back to the era of the Assyrians, Berkowitzs book says, any man who traveled with an unrelated woman had to pay money to her husband and provesometimes by jumping into a swiftly flowing river and survivingthat he had not taken the woman as a sexual partner.) While some adultery laws are still technically on the books, the government is for the most part no longer concerned about what adults do with each other behind closed doors. He is draining the life from your relationship by doing this. My wife and B seem to be constantly attached by the hip. Finally she calls me back around 9:20 asking me whats up. Wednesday is my favorite day of the week, because it's usually the day I treat myself. It's not controlling to be wary of what your wife is up to when she is hanging out with a newly single woman and going to bars until closing. Just seems to me to be an unusual thing to worry about. female The Supreme Courts 2003 Lawrence v. Texas decision legalized all consensual sex between adults. It should've been in her pocket on vibrate, or in her hand. When I met my husband, he had a good friend at work, a single girl, who is EXTREMELY flirtatious, and at least a little annoying. It doesn't really matter what their motivation is, it is your actions that will control whether it goes further. What on earth is his reasoning behind that? (and I would hardly call it worthwhile friendship if he doesn't even want his friend to meet the most important person in his life!). Made 16k one day, got embellished to 20k, word got out that I made that every week, which was not at all the case. Room service and fresh linens and everybody all suited up and shit. (Still, he said, hed be OK with it.) He asked a single girl in the office for her phone number. and just chill. Answer: I think you'll both be happier if you let her go out with friends within reason, of course. That part sounds especially shady to me. if they want to spend so much time together alone, they should go out with one another, not him with me! A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): Actually, the converse is true: it is *usually* OK for a married man to take a female friend out to lunch, whether paying for it or not (hey you invite someone to celebrate their occasion, courtesy says you pay). Is he doing it to wind u up, even if only partially. If she cares about him as a friend then she should at least be curious to meet the love of his life and mother of his children ie. On the other hand, though, since I don't have first hand experience with infidelity, I'm worried there may be more subtler red flags I'm ignoring or not noticing.

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